Healing with Love and Pleasure

Despite the fact that Love is a feeling, we have in many ways been socialized into accepting ideas of Love as a picture that we believe in. Human contact is vital, and yet true human intimacy does need some time to develop between people to be authentic.

We can attempt to pretend that simple discretionary membranes do not exist, although every human being has natural boundaries that are necessary. If we fake how we really feel then our heart closes. We have to know when we are one hundred percent honest, not faking anything. We have to feel true enthusiasm and share our truth from our open heart.

There are many levels of consciousness that make up each human being, in which aspects of divinity exists. There are polarized aspects of consciousness that include both positive and negative currents. Love embraces both positive and negative currents as being one current. Each one of us has free will to choose which current we want to focus on. The tricky part of enlightenment is that most of the time we experience our world from outside of our body, from a mental perspective, or from a higher view of consciousness that exists as our light body.


Many meditative states give people an illusion of bliss. A separation exists that keeps people from being fully conscious within their physical body. For example, a person can feel a pleasurable orgasm as a result of fantasizing about a sexual encounter, yet the mere fact that this encounter is imagined and not a real experience, the bliss felt in the body from their orgasm is actually static and will not expand their consciousness. True bliss is felt within our bodies when true love, compassion, and wisdom manifests physically within our body. This accomplishment can take a good part of a lifetime to actualize.


True love is unconditional. This means that there is no judgment that says something is bad or wrong. Any feeling that we feel is love, including grief, fear, anger, pain, and joy. It is easy to say that joy is love, yet it is a challenge to feel that our pain or anger could also be love. There are many reasons why we choose to shut down our feelings, and stay in our head analyzing and judging. Love demands that we feel safe. Therefore there are many habitual defenses that keep us from fully loving our selves and others.


Many people are interested in learning about Tantra and in experiencing more full body orgasms and more intensified and prolonged orgasms. Pleasure is a vital aspect of healing and feeling love. We have definite ideas about what is pleasurable and what is not pleasurable. Most of the information that is shared about Tantra and the love making techniques of the Kama Sutra, is shared from the cosmology of sexual energy being the main factor to ascertain.


Energy is only one aspect of our physical experience. It is possible to experience pleasure energetically and not be able to integrate any of it in a way that sustains a deeper capacity for love. Feelings that manifest real healing in the body, are often overlooked and habitually dispersed and discharged into the body’s energy field, with out being received as a permanent blessing.


To fully develop our capacity to heal sexually, love must come first. In an energy-based paradigm, true healing and blessings of love can be wasted and overlooked. A negative karmic residue can also be created that the person is completely unconscious of, and yet they can “think” that they hold the key to enlightenment. The unloved aspects of life must be received with love. Thus whatever we judge as “not being love”, must be felt and received with love to be liberated.


For the mind to be healed, it has to merge with our heart. It takes years of practicing healing methods, before this can really happen for any duration. Our central channel must open to allow portions of our light body to descend into union with our physical body. This experience happens when any feeling is fully felt and received with love. To experience feeling true joy, all of our human feelings must be felt. Without actually feeling our grief, fear, anger, and pain, our ability to feel joy is limited or faked.


Loving our human-ness on all levels is a vital part of authentic healing. There are many important issues about being human that require healing. Conscious loving addresses them all. The sexual teachings are supposed to be taught once a basic foundational awareness is first learned. Ninety percent of Tantra awareness does not include the sexual practices. To jump into learning the sexual practices without first grasping the basics is like giving a kindergarten student a final exam for their college degree.


Yet sexuality is very desirable. Feeling the pleasure of orgasm in the body is very healing. Feeling the pleasure of joy is much easier to feel and receive in our body, than feeling the pleasure of anger. Yet to fully master Tantra practices, a person has to be able to rage. Rage is the joy of anger. There exists a healthy rage that empowers us to be more loving and intimate. Our conscious awareness increases as we feel our feelings and receive them with love by staying present and slowing down inside. Compassion and wisdom manifests within our being, the more we consciously choose loving intentions.


This discipline includes choosing love even when we feel ignorant, hateful, arrogant, desirous, or jealous. Each one of these elements of feelings can mix with our basic feelings of grief, fear, anger, pain, and joy. Any time that we connect with another person intimately, in a physical way, all of our feelings as well as the elements of feelings, that I just mentioned, are involved. Even if a person wants to forget about their feelings and pretend that they are impervious to such emotions, these elements are present, with a variety of feelings included. If we live in our heads with ideas and pictures of reality, we can be unconscious of how our actions affect other people.


Many people do not know how to deal with their stress, and unconsciously dump their unfelt feelings into their lover’s body when they make love. The people who are taking on these unfelt feelings are not conscious of what is happening, and in time, they will sense that they don’t want to make love with certain people anymore. In conscious sexual practices, people can be very aware of what is happening when they are making love with another person. They can tell if the person is sucking the life essence out of them, or dumping unloved feelings into them, or psychically jumping into their body to have sex with them with out their permission.


It is important to know before you open up to someone sexually, if you really feel 100% open to receive this person with love. When you chose to be open to them, you can then be conscious of whether or not you are feeling their unfelt feelings, or if you are feeling your own feelings. When two people are in the same room together, if one person drops into feeling their feelings, the other person can feel what the other person is feeling if they are open to their own feelings. Through consistent practice of feeling our feelings, we become much more consciousness of what is happening with other people. A person who is not practiced at feeling their feelings deeply and continuously, and receiving them with love, will not be as conscious of some of the subtleties that a practiced person is aware of.


In many ways, the partners that we mate with are mirrors of ourselves. They match us in ways that are healing to each other. As we journey through life and share intimately in a variety of relationships, we can learn how to share more honestly with our friends and lovers. In practicing sexual techniques that identify if we are feeling authentically, and what we are feeling, we can connect more with our higher self and feel more whole and complete within ourselves. Then our choice to merge physically with another person is based on a natural passion, rather than neediness. If people do not take the time to learn with great clarity why they choose to connect with other people physically, then they could stay trapped into habits of having sex for titillating results or to play a seductive game. True love cannot be manipulated, and conscious sex demands that love be present authentically, with out any hidden agendas or masks.


True pleasure is experienced when our hearts are liberated with feelings of joy, which includes the joy of any feeling. The “joy of fear”, is excitement. How much excitement can you contain feeling in your body without separating your spirit outside of yourself? Our fear of fear (our terror) keeps us from delving into many pleasurable experiences. Many people are still frightened by thoughts of being rejected, or embarrassed. We scare ourselves with ideas of being reactively angry or feeling painfully desolated. Until we can be vulnerably naked with another person, we cannot even begin to practice authentic love making techniques.


A space of love and safety must be present before a person can receive a healing from having their g-spot touched and massaged. A man wants to feel a heart connection with himself and then with his lover, before he begins to feel arousal in his penis and regulate his seminal fluids to maintain his erection. To heal with love and pleasure, many things have to exist. There has to be honesty. There has to be open-ness, and trust. These things take time to discern in relationships. Many people break their trust and do not repair it. Love wants to expose everything. Even so called negative things can be shared and received with love. In doing this kind of confessing, deeper understanding and conscious feeling of what is behind the acting out comes forth. What was unconscious becomes conscious.


If a person desires true enthusiasm, they have to be able to choose to love the aspects of themselves that they normally criticize and judge as being wrong. This is how love wants to play. Love wants to integrate the dark and the light and love it all. To further compound the intensity of all of this, as we feel and receive our world with love, what is unconscious becomes conscious. This is a natural occurrence that can bring past memories to the present moment, including memories from previous incarnations. To experience the depth of the matrix of life, can be terrifying, and to prevent this experience from happening, people choose not to feel. From an early age, our parents teach us to settle down and behave. Our natural feeling connection to our body is often held back by a fear of punishment, even into our adult years.


Feelings are threatening to many people, yet we all need to feel them in a safe loving place where we can experience once again being reconnected to our bodies. Of course, grabbing someone and having a passionate love making session can be very fulfilling. Sure this pleasure can be an oasis in an otherwise dry calendar of events. Yet if our habit of feeling pleasure authentically is lost and we act out unconsciously, we create even more problems for ourselves. We have to know ourselves fully. We have to know what we stand for. We have to choose to take risks to share more love and this requires honesty. The more we can admit our feelings and our habits of preventing ourselves from feeling, the better off we are. The air is clear to be real. Our hearts are full with feeling.


When we can feel in a way that truly integrates our feelings into our body, we are less likely to harm another person. Once we are really in touch with ourselves, we won’t do something that we know would harm another person. One aspect of allowing ourselves to feel is sharing how we feel, and not keeping our feelings hidden or secret. It is safer to look stupid or be embarrassed, than it is to hide our human-ness. Of course we have a self-image that we feel we need to maintain to be loved, yet in reality love says that no image is necessary. Honesty and humility heals us.


We receive a large amount of pleasure from life when we chose to see our world as an extension of ourselves. We are all in this together. We are all affecting each other. If we are not conscious of how we affect others, then we can at least know that unconsciously we are affecting everything, since each one of us is a part of the whole. The whole universe lives within each one of our hearts. It is within our human heart that the love of this world can and does manifest. Feeling is the beginning. Feeling joyous joy and excitement is the beginning to feeling more love in our pelvis area. Every feeling and element of feeling exists within us though, and the dark and the light continually expand and integrate as we pulse through life. There is a whole lot more going on inside of us, than just energy.


When it comes to sexuality, choose love first, always. If you are in a committed relationship, be honest or else you are not giving your partner the right they deserve to be given, to choose how they feel about your commitment. Secret love affairs and making love while fantasizing about another person, is an act of cruelty. This choice to be secret is a lack of courage to be real. If you cannot be honest, you are creating a karmic residue for everyone involved. Secrets will impede the opening of your central channel and your connection with your higher self. If you make a mistake, and make amends as an adult, you can make a vow to choose to be more discerning and sincere from that moment forward. It is a sign of maturity when you can give your word and keep it.


If you continue to make the same mistake then there is something that you have to look at within yourself. Mistakes are blessings if we can choose to learn from them, and not stay stuck feeling guilty about them. Confess, and move forward. If your partner is able to love your humanness, and has the ability to choose compassion and understanding, then your past cruel choice can possibly be liberated, if you are sincere about your new choice to be honest. Realistically though, a person is being masochistic if they continue to stay involved with someone who is acting cruelly towards them. Kindness to ourselves and to others must be actualized for true compassion to exist.


There is real pleasure in love, yet many people do not know how to discern true love or true pleasure. There is a way to feel and receive your blessings, and contain them. This requires that you do in fact feel “in” your body. If you believe that energy can heal then you have to know that your healing is most likely happening a bit outside of your body, and then it is not a solid healing; and it is not long lasting, or integrated. Unless of course you are feeling and receiving your feelings at the same time; then your energy will be merged within your central channel and you will feel incredible vitality. Love is the determining factor. Energy will only merge once feelings of love are felt and received, which means any feeling that is fully felt and received with love.


When we are only focusing on energy (as our cosmology), there are some subtle shifts that affect our perceptions, and perhaps this is as safe a stride as a person can allow for themselves in the moment. Yet many times when people experience energy work, real excitement is being suppressed and a mental perspective is maintaining a resistance to accessing their more powerful feelings. Part of this experience of separateness from our feelings is from having our eyes closed and allowing ourselves to drift further away from our presence into a trance state. Our habit is to leave our physical presence when we relax. Therefore an inward focus on how we feel inside of our body, allows us to be more connected with our conscious presence, and with what feelings are coming up to be felt.


Compassion manifests once all of the feelings and elements of feelings have been felt and received with love. Then with compassion, consciousness develops further until our true wisdom begins to merge within our body. When this happens, the mind no longer exists. Our concepts and beliefs are annihilated. Our whole being has truly surrendered to something greater than ourselves. When this occurs then the ability to begin experiencing wisdom sex is possible. If this sounds like something that you would want to be able to experience, then of course you have to begin in kindergarten so to speak. Since there are many things that have to be healed before your wisdom body can immerge within you.


This is the path we were meant to experience. Of course it won’t be easy. Of course we were not supposed to figure it all out in just a few lifetimes. There is great excitement for each new life that we live. We have already died many times, and we are still alive! The more we learn how to contain our blessings in our body, the more our capacity of psychic awareness develops. We continue to develop a deep relationship with our higher self and with creation. Habits of living in the past and being attached to any past wounds eventually heal. Our presence continues to claim each moment as a blessing! We continue to risk sharing more love, and trusting in our feelings of what we know is our truth. When we slow down inside to really feel and receive our feelings as love, our Divine wisdom drops into our heart, and we truly experience the blessings of our spirit, of our human heart, and of our human life.


Copyright, Deborah Joan Carroll, November, 2002.

About debcarroll

Born in 1956, managed to survive 18 years of using drugs and alcohol, joined recovery groups and began an interest in many forms of healing and health awareness. Was working in design and architecture, yet often worked in the performance arts as well. Began intensive studies in Iridology and Nutrition in 1990. Was involved with Sun Bear and The Bear Tribe Medicine Society intensively for 5 years. Studied Naturopathy and Iris Analysis along with Herbalogy and Detoxification methods for 8 years. Began studying Tantra in 94 and had a traumatic/healing near death experience in 95. Four years later I met my teacher Marcus Daniels and begin taking classes with him. My studies included body work that Marcus calls Touch of Structure. I went to two other massage therapy schools to study other style of massage and healing methods. I have an interest in teaching the truth about sexuality and spiritual healing based on what I have learned from my studies in wisdom classes with my teacher Marcus. By merging some basic Tantra practices with healing aspects of cellular memory healing practices I have created healthy ways to focus and have presence during intimacy and during alone times when some one is self pleasuring.
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