Absurdity of Spirit & Black and White.


I do believe in black and white. Our central spirit channel is made up of back and white diamond patterns, when you can see it in a balanced pattern and flow. Dark and Light is another way of saying black and white. Darkness is without light thus light absorbs into it. Light is penetrating as is a laser beam. Our mind is focused light and our feelings are absorbing and receiving darkness. Thus our feelings receive rather than penetrate yet the tricky part is that our mind is controlling where our spirit moves and the main part of our spirit is our feelings thus how we focus our mind affects the movement of our feelings in our body and out of our body as in projections and discharges of essence within our aura.


Yin and Yang are Chinese words that describe opposites that exist within our body. Yin is feminine and Yang is Masculine. Yin is the darkness and negative side of the spectrum and Yang is the light and positive side of the spectrum. You can say that Men is a word that describes a connection to the mental side of our being, and thus the masculine represents the mind and its thoughts that perceive from the mental awareness. Female and Feminine are words that represents a flow of Feelings and Emotions that emanate organically. The mind penetrates with focus.


Within our own central spirit channel there flows spiritual vitality. The pathway of this flow is about one inch in front of the spine. Every human being is connected to their own light channel that connects to the crown chakra at the top of the skull; to a hundred levels of spiritual awareness in a kind of super-conscious hierarchy, which ultimately brings us to heavenly realms where our spirit is one with awesome densities of gravity that are pure love and healing consciousness. Thus our higher self spirit and super-consciousness exists above our head. Our aura is made up of several oval shaped spirit bodies that overlay and line up with each other within our central spirit channel with the correct practices of focusing and body awareness. Our body awareness includes our psyche and our beliefs about selves and our world.


The caduceus is a symbol often seen on the back of an ambulance or at a doctor’s office or at a hospital. It is the medical symbol of the staff of life. The staff of life is actually symbolic of the central spirit channel in our body. There is a flow of life force and vitality that moves through this central part of our body, where there exists on an invisible level of consciousness ~ chakras, which are known to be energy centers. All of our different human feelings exist in these energy centers inside of our central spirit channel that connects our crown chakra to our root chakra at the base of our torso.


Chakra is a Sanskrit word, just as Tantra is a Sanskrit word. Chakra means wheel, as in a wheel that spins, which is essentially like a vortex. Within each chakra are specific issues and feelings related to human awareness. Tantra means to bring heaven to earth, or to have spirit descend into matter. Tantra is also defined as meaning union, or weaving. It is when our central spirit channel is open and in receiving mode that we experience the love that exists in our own light body and light channel descending into our physical body. The two snakes of the caduceus flow both positive and negative currents of love. The positive is Yes and the negative is No as in our ability to have freewill to choose what we say yes to and experience as positive and what we say no to and experience as negative.


Thus with the correct mental focus, we can have our spirit channel open and receive spiritual blessings in our body that then give us a healing. To receive a healing means that we are feeling more love, peace and joy inside of our body. This feeling of heavenly love that manifests within our body includes feelings of safety and awe at the beauty of life.


It does take practice to be able to continuously feel deeper pleasure inside of our body and be comfortable feeling these wonderful feelings. The reason why this is true has to do with the flow of dark and light that occurs inside of our central spirit channel as represented by the two snakes that weave along the caduceus.


Each spot on the caduceus where the snakes are crossing over top of each other is where there is a placement of the seven energy chakras positioned within the central spirit channel that runs down the center of our body. There is a combination of thinking and feeling, and masculine and feminine that flows continuously within the center of our body. We are constantly choosing from moment to moment either Yes or No to the different aspects of life that bring us pleasure. Yes is positive and No is negative.


Positive and Negative is not Right and Wrong. It just is either a positive current of receiving or a negative current of rejecting. Our beliefs and ideas about life will affect our choices about life and what we wish to say Yes to, to receive as love, or what we wish to say No to and reject. Since the world we live in is a paradox, sometimes there are rare occurrences where you would say yes to something that you normally would say no.


Absurdity is a word that I recently looked up by doing a search on google, and I found a definition that fit my dilemma on wikipedia. Do the search yourself and then scroll to read the definition that is titled “Doctrine of Absurdity”. When we choose to espouse a strict rule in a circumstance that does not warrant a rigid boundary, then an exact rule is being honored ahead of the “spirit” of the matter. Something very simple and innocent can become absurd when formalities force an issue to be honored purely for its strictness.


There is also a part of the wikipedia definition page for Absurdity that is titled “Absurdism” which speaks of there being no reason to seek meaning in an uncaring world. Now this is a way of describing a victim mentality. The world is caring yet people are choosing to be cold out of fear and also out of the habit of keeping their dark side a secret…meaning that they are keeping their harsher feelings a secret; which often in the end is found to be due to their fear of communicating how they feel. If they share their anger then they look bad and are then shocked at the fact that they have a negative side to their personality. We all have a dark side and it is there for a reason and a purpose.


Our dark side or cruel side is meant to keep us safe, as in self defense and self protection when we are threatened physically. Yet many people are threatened psychologically. They can not get into loving their dark side, or their cruel side. It is shocking to take ownership for the idea that we get pleasure doing cruel things, or saying cruel things, or thinking cruel things. The mind recoils from this since there is fear of honoring the pleasure in playing dark games. Once we expose this pleasure, we can actually have more fun and stop resisting our sensual pleasure also.


People are resisting feeling their pleasure in their body all of the time, even when they are masturbating or making love. They are not aware of how much they really resist feeling their joyful feelings inside of their body, since most people have become accustomed to only feeling their sensations of pleasure outside of their body, thus they are experiencing their feelings as existing only in spirit, within their own aura, and not directly inside of their physical body. It take time to learn the difference between being connected in your body and experiencing your feelings more outside of your body in a separation.


Thus tantra techniques teach us how to open up our central spirit channel and directly experience our feelings of joy and vitality to flow inside of our body to produce a deeper healing by allowing our body to receive more feelings of love and pleasure integrating and being absorbed and digested within our cellular structures that exist within our invisible spirit and consciousness.


Getting back to the definition of Absurdism, the fear that causes someone to make a nonsensical decision due to fear is specifically fear related to self image and thus the wounds of the ego. Thus the core issue is partially due to our pride. Yes there is fear yet the threat is not a real threat at all on a physical level. Setting a boundary where none is needed is not due to a physical worry, as in having ones life or possessions at risk. It is due to psychological worries related to self image problems.


Our feelings are hurt when we take everything too personal, and one major core issue with such a concern is an idea that we have to be perfect to be loved. And all mixed up in this rigid concept are miscommunication issues. Perhaps not enough was said to fully explain something, thus full understanding is lost. To truly understand the world we live in, we want to keep searching for meaning instead of giving up and saying that it is not worthwhile to even make an attempt to gain success.


Thus the idea of Absurdism being completely valid in its definition of “It is illogical to seek purpose or meaning in an uncaring world” is lacking in full comprehension. There are hidden reasons underlying the core issues that make people behave in absurd ways. The wikipedia articles on absurdity doe include this awareness of underlying hidden reasons that exist as the cause of the absurd ideas or actions. Self image is a huge issue that is a core reason for why people do and say absurd things. The self image “stuff” is very connected with the issue of safety and feeling safe.


If someone is not able to love themselves for having a dark side, then they fear exposing it. From my perspective and experience in teaching tantra, I have found that people often fear being out of control with their feelings of anger for example. They fear causing harm to others or scaring people with their angry outbursts. Thus they always maintain a composure that is false, yet accepted by society, to maintain the status quo of the perfect self image. The control is also darkness. Control is control and thus it is very hard to let go of control when you are controlling.


There is a Joker entity; a dark spirit, that controls many people and keeps them in a huge separation spiritually. This is due to many fears related to feeling deeper feelings in general, yet often the feelings they fear are feelings of vulnerability…feelings of loss and devastation. This is usually connected with “infant hunger” or a sense that they are not loved by their mother or father….that their outer world is needed for self love. If a mother or father suddenly has to leave for their own reasons, the baby or child feels abandoned for forever since they are feeling on a wisdom level, which is a level where there is no time, thus the baby or child feels abandoned for forever.


The Joker entity then shifts the psyche of the person into a mode of indifference which is the polar opposite of feeling. Indifference means that the person refuses to feel anything since they fear the feeling of being weak and devastated. Yes as humans we do need people to be close with and bond with. We do need nurturing. Yet as we mature in our psyche to become more independent, we are free to allow others to go their merry way and leave us to fend for ourselves emotionally and even physically sometimes too.


A person is angry inside that they were abandoned yet they are also angry at themselves for feeling too needy. It is complicated to be sure, until you constantly take time to keep doing inner child healing work and become more aware of all of your issues. Reading books on codependency is helpful, yet there are many other books that connect an adult person with an awareness of their inner child’s feelings. In Hawaiian Huna teachings the subconscious part of our spirit is the child self.


From my experience, the subconscious part of our spirit is the part of our spirit that is located in between our legs. The Root chakra is found at the base of our torso, thus at the bottom of the central spirit channel that runs through the center of our body. As our own psyche becomes more conscious, we are then able to relax more with allowing all of our human feelings to flow through our body during love making, since in fact every feeling that we feel as a human being is located in the different energy centers in our central channel. There are seven energy chakras that connect with our physical body in the central of our body. The Crown is at the top of our head and the Root is at the bottom of our torso, which also includes an awareness of the movement of our legs.


The Root chakra is the area that holds the awareness of the unconsciousness within our subconscious spirit body. The Root chakra harbors issues of fight and flight, our survival mode issues of being safe being human. Thus there is a vitality of a warrior that exists within us when we feel safe enough to acknowledge this primal part of being human. If we fear our anger, then we will fear our inner warrior.


We never want to hurt others, yet in life this is impossible, since we are all here learning things thus we will inevitably end up doing things that cause others to feel some hurt and pain. Of course we do not want to do something on purpose to hurt others, yet accidents and mistakes do happen all the time. Plus sometimes we feel that we are stuck and no longer match someone and wish to leave our relationship with them to journey forward into learning new things with new people. This is part of our soul’s journey through any one lifetime here on Earth.


If a person is afraid of expressing their anger, then they are afraid of exposing their dark side. Their anger is not dark if they can love it and express it in a safe way that is healing and helpful. Anger is one normal feeling that we feel for a variety of reasons. Some reasons are valid and make sense and some reasons are absurd since it is fear that is really controlling our reactive nature to accuse for no reason, or cause destruction that is not necessary. Yet the specific circumstances of any situation must be viewed with clarity to see what is warranted as a reaction or action that has its roots in love and positive results.


Love is supposed to be healing and kind and supportive and positive and compassionate and not possessive. Love is supposed to support freedom. Yet people are jealous and afraid and fear being hurt and killed and thus love sometimes includes cruel behavior. The moments when cruel behavior is valid and necessary is when we have to protect our children from being harmed by abusive actions of perpetrators, and when we have to defend our own physical being from harm. Even someone who is a very loving person; and who is very aware of having compassion towards other people, will kill someone in self defense if the circumstances are justified for reasons of physical safety.


Thus learning to love our inner warrior or inner killer is a valid thing to do, simply for the reality of it being necessary to know how to protect oneself. Yet once we become aware that we can fight to care for ourselves if necessary; we do not have to then be afraid all the time that we are not safe and be on the look out for threats all of the time. People are psychically afraid of problems for a variety of reasons and I used to be this way myself.


Luckily for me I met a teacher who taught me to become more aware of things. To become more aware means that we are able to see what we are creating with our mind psychically and this involves spiritual integration which does occur eventually after many years of practicing the correct tantra techniques. The methods that produce healing include learning how to open the central spirit channel to feel deeper in the body and to slow down inside enough to feel and receive our feelings as love in the moment.


Thus some beginning tantra techniques are very boring and slow. Many people who teach tantra teach sensual love making techniques that jump into intimacy quickly. Yet there are many issues psychologically that must be addressed to have a true tantra healing experience that creates healing and prevents a lot of psychic residues from being manifested. There are residues of undigested and unconscious feelings that occur during love making and masturbation that occurring due to incorrect methods of focusing.


Fantasizing is one main issue, yet there are several other problems that include hyper breathing habits that are causes people to feel their feelings in more of a separation. Also what people believe about sexuality and relationship intimacy issues and ideas about spirituality can all create problems of resistance where there is a block in allowing more love and pleasure to flow in the body.


Going back to the idea of “infant hunger” for example…if someone feels that they have to be stuck like glue to lover then they do not allow a flow of freedom and space to exist in their relationship. All of our primal fears must be exposed and dealt with by taking the time to examine them and understand what is at the core of our resistance to love. We must study to educate ourselves. We need to be more conscious of many things.


Only with a lot of communication and intimacy and awareness training will we be able to become more loving and kind in our relationships. We have to educate ourselves, and find others who enjoy sharing and communicating more about the topics that interest us. We do this to advance in our abilities and our general awareness of our reality. We choose to do this to experience more pleasure in our life.  We also wish to share more pleasure with others to feel more connected and loved.


Thus when we continue to seek the truth about things that we do not understand, and find meaning, then we are able to reveal the reason for negative behavior. The absurdity of negative behavior is only due to our lack of understanding. It is our ignorance and our desire to hide our dark side out of fear that denies spirit and then does things purely out of formality. It is hard to take ownership for a dark side of our nature that does cruel things.


Making a point of something purely to make someone wrong can be a way to nit pick over some petty thing to avoid the reality of immense of love that is there in your face. People fear love and will do covertly hostile things to rage in secret over their hurt feelings that to them are unresolved. How can we play and have more fun and be okay with caring and tenderness? Well, we have to learn how to focus on doing that for real.


And then we have to see where we are blocking receiving that love. Many things will mask the reality of our world. I think we would all be very bored if we found that life’s experiences were too easy to comprehend. The seeking and finding and being excited by learning new things would be nonexistent without the mystery of life. Esoteric teachings are often taught in secret and have to be sought out. A person has to have enough courage to take a risk to go into new places and be open to new ideas.


There is a reality that many fears are absurd. Yet for the person with the fear, it is not absurd at all, it is full of reason. And even more challenging is the fact that most fear that is affecting people is subconscious fear that they are not able to see clearly since it is in their unconscious. Just like a computer that is malfunctioning since there is a virus in its registry somewhere. There are reasons, we are just finding the reasons and then when the reasons are revealed, we solve the dilemma of being afraid of something we have no power over. We do have power to not feel like a victim and to be empowered.


Yet we have to spend a good amount of time to fully comprehend the reality of what is victim mode, and what causes victim mode and how to become liberated from victim mode habits of behavior. This takes practice since we are all very human and we are all affecting each other all of the time. We want more caring in our world, yet this requires more communication in a loving way that teaches logic and what makes sense and what works to create more healing and love to manifest for real in our bodies in a tangible way.


Deborah Carroll, copywright April 2013.


































About debcarroll

Born in 1956, managed to survive 18 years of using drugs and alcohol, joined recovery groups and began an interest in many forms of healing and health awareness. Was working in design and architecture, yet often worked in the performance arts as well. Began intensive studies in Iridology and Nutrition in 1990. Was involved with Sun Bear and The Bear Tribe Medicine Society intensively for 5 years. Studied Naturopathy and Iris Analysis along with Herbalogy and Detoxification methods for 8 years. Began studying Tantra in 94 and had a traumatic/healing near death experience in 95. Four years later I met my teacher Marcus Daniels and begin taking classes with him. My studies included body work that Marcus calls Touch of Structure. I went to two other massage therapy schools to study other style of massage and healing methods. I have an interest in teaching the truth about sexuality and spiritual healing based on what I have learned from my studies in wisdom classes with my teacher Marcus. By merging some basic Tantra practices with healing aspects of cellular memory healing practices I have created healthy ways to focus and have presence during intimacy and during alone times when some one is self pleasuring.
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