The Wounds of War

I do realize that we need soldiers to protect the free world. I do understand their sacrifice for our freedom. I have worked with several men who were in battle in the military and each person has a different attitude and outlook. Myself I have an altruistic view of a world that considers other people to be their spiritual brothers and sisters; yet I do realize that it is necessary to fight for self protection.

If people learned self defense to protect themselves that would be very positive. In certain circumstances most every person will fight to protect their family. Once guns come into the picture, everything changes. It is easy to be indifferent when you don’t have to touch someone. Why even own a weapon if you don’t need one. If everyone needs a weapon to be safe, there is a big problem.

We are here to learn to love and care for each other. The more we can learn to experience loving touch, the less we need to fight or defend. All of the damage done to the physical body in war has created feelings in the body that are created for forever. The terror, pain and hate that is too immense to feel in the body eventually has to be felt and received as love in the body. That is why learning to create affection and tenderness is preferred. When the warrior feelings are felt and received as love then there is more peace and less reactive-ness.

The really interesting thing is that feelings produce healing. The more we can connect with our authentic feelings, the better, yet we need a safe environment to do that in. Not resisting our feelings solves many health problems. The main part of our spirit is our feelings. The invisible consciousness that we exist in is made up of many feelings. History is repeating because subconscious feelings are arising in a contracted form.

What I mean to say is that many people become violent or reactive and are behaving out of control due to a build up of feelings that they are not conscious of; that they are not aware of having a connection to their spirit and thus their body. Accidents always happen for a reason. Everyone needs to be massaged and touched while feeling their feelings to receive more healing; to avoid problems like illness and accidents.

Denial and separation from feelings eventually causes many problems. There is a disconnect from truth that severely affects mankind.


The Wounds of War



I just wrote this for an Army medic in Iraq. Perhaps you will enjoy reading this.


The reason that I thought of sharing what I just wrote about is that when I was in the pacific north west recently I worked with a few fellows from the Military. One guy was a machine gunner and he shot down a house in Iraq upon command and it turned out to be the wrong house and he killed a whole family for no good reason. The guy now works with adolescents who are in lock up. The other fellow still loves the war and loves killing, yet he is killing to feel power that he didn’t feel as a child who suffered abuse from his father and still harbors resentments.

Anyway that is the simple version of the story…All killing creates a TON of unfelt feelings. After working with a person who was just shot during his last visit to the war in Afghanistan, I suffered intense foot pain afterwards; due to psychic pains and karmic cause and effect residues of unloved separated feelings of pain that I cleared when I worked with this soldier.


Unloved feelings are the feelings that are discharged from the body during a violent death experience. Those past wounds have been created for forever. The pain that was created has been created for forever. As the spirit of the wounded person leaves his or her body at the moment of death there are many deeper levels of pain that could not be felt and received as love in the body.


These feelings from history are connected with the memories of the past wounds and exist in a contracted form in the subconscious. The subconscious past memories are connected to the base of the body’s torso and the area in between the legs and feet.


The last time I worked with a military man in Monterey Bay, the residues affected my arm and my right arm was paralyzed with pain for 6 days. For my left foot, this time, it has been 8 days to get back to normal. I experience this painful reality since due to my spiritual integration work I am able to feel deeper than energy.


There are blessings that I experience from this ability to feel deeper. It is easier for me to prevent accidents from happening in my life as I am aware of all the feelings that exist in my aura and spirit and affect my physical body. My feelings are grounded in density in my body.


Some cancers are due to unconscious feelings of hatred that exist in the lower levels of the subconscious spirit. Once the deeper authentic feelings are felt and received as love, the physical disease disappears. Since love is a feeling, all feelings received as love produce a spiritual healing that is more powerful than the physical health issues of toxicity. Energy medicine only clears the first thirty percent of the subconscious.


There is more injury and sickness created from the unfelt and unconscious and unloved feelings that exist in our aura. During sexual stimulation, all aspects of Historical pains surface when a man is incorrectly masturbating or making love (stimulating his penis)…Thus many illnesses and accidents stem from these separated feelings surfacing during times when men hold tension in their pelvis and resist the full flow of their pleasure inward into their body.


When pleasure is resisted contracted pains magnetize up from in between the legs (the subconscious are of our spirit) like a virus uploading and crashing a computer with conflicted software programs.


Yet men who choose to kill and fight and cause the terrors of excruciating pain to be created by wounding a gentle human body with bullets and bombs, also cause a lot of the sickness in the world.


Women also have the same kind of habits of tensing up and resisting pleasure during genital stimulation. Women also fantasize and separate mentally into trance states and other outer body spiritual states.



The Wounds of War.


Mike, about the problem with horrible smells of burnt flesh…I suggest that you use small pieces of cotton batton (that you can also put a bit of aromatic oil onto; if you have such a thing over there) into your nostrils, as this prevents the heavy metals from the gunfire in the air and other noxious chemicals from getting into your airways and sinus area and will possibly keep some of the horrible stench of burnt flesh out of your nose as well. Of course you may have to replace the cotton bits several times a day yet it will help keep out at least fifty percent of the garbage and stink that you need some relief from.


As human beings, we have limits, we are not impervious to cruelty and violence. Since life includes both the joyful and peaceful blessings and the terrifying and devastating suffering, as a paradox…along with kindness and cruelty as another set of opposites that can simply be viewed as positive and negative…the realization must come that we have our spiritual and human freewill to choose how we are going to experience these opposites in life and we can only hope with the purpose to choose a more loving outcome in the cause and effect of life’s actions… a result of our learning from the negative mistakes of life, since I would assume that most people can surmise that choices that end in suffering and cruelty are negative.


The philosophical question here is concerning the belief in love and pleasure as the main fabric of life. Meaning that everything in creation contains love and pleasure, including the negative side of life. Thus our negative experiences teach us a quality of pleasure. Here comes the paradox…if you determine that a negative experience is something that you do not wish to suffer, then you are the one that has to face the reality that you are getting pleasure in this negative circumstance. Perhaps you would never cry unless you were shocked by life’s horrors…I don’t know. Still there is a pleasure that exists in every aspect of life. So to not be a victim of your circumstance you must take ownership for the pleasure that you are getting by this negative experience…even if it seems that the experience is out of your control. Then if you ask yourself how you feel when you choose to “love” this experience to acknowledge the pleasure there, you will probably notice your feelings are a combination of deep despair and anger. Then if you rage about these negative events and/or grieve deeply with the desolation at hand, then your wisdom higher self spirit will descend into your body and your human heart and you will know what your truth is. Then you can make choices for yourself and others based on that truth.


If you only rationalize things and accept the military stance on things then you are choosing to live in this delusion of strength in war. In fact weakness [as you say crying is considered to be by the military] is actually a strength as deep grief is a quality of compassion for the gentleness of love and life that carries a humility with it. A humility that recognizes value in all human life. I often remember a button that I used to wear in my hippy days that read “Fighting for Peace is like Fucking for Virginity”. It is futile. I also remember a quote from somewhere that says something like this: {Let the violent ones kill amongst themselves and kill each other off} … sorry I do not remember the quote exactly or where it came from, yet you have probably heard it before. At any rate some logic and understanding is necessary to see things clearly… to stop being at the effect of the outer-world. You have an inner-world within yourself that includes a life of your own making, a personal canvas of your own design.


At this point in your life, whatever you have chosen or whatever has existed and has already happened in your history… you would do best to take ownership for what occurred, as being something that you wanted to experience. Life on Earth is a school for humans to learn from. Once we get the lesson, then we can move on and be free of the past limitations as we venture into a new lifetime in a future life. Wherever you are stuck in this life and whatever you achieve to realize at the end of this lifetime will continue on with you into your future life. There are Angels and Spirit Guides that are watching over you, and you can ask for their assistance anytime you want to. There are also very special Angels that are called Warrior Angels. There are Ten Thousand Warrior Angels working for you in the spiritual dimension. The reason that these Angels are very special is that they are only to be called upon when you feel that you are in dire need for help where it seems that there is no way out of a dangerous predicament. At times like that, you may call upon the “Ten Thousand Warrior Angels” to assist you. Basically don’t over do it with asking for their help. You have your basic Angels and Spirit Guides that help you with the everyday stuff that is close to being manageable..


When your spirit leaves your body at death, your individual ray of light that connects your soul essence to the source of love in the spiritual dimension will appear as a tunnel of light and you can choose to follow that tunnel of light to return to the spiritual dimension and the love that awaits you there. Many answers are revealed once you have become formless spirit once again. There are special books called Emmanuel, that share beautiful information about the spiritual world. Did you ever see the movie called Jacob’s Ladder? There was a character in that movie that was the chiropractor for the main character who was a wounded soldier. He quotes in the film that: The Demons are Angels that are assisting you in liberating your spirit from the tortures of human life. I don’t remember the exact words yet the quote is something like that. I just saw the movie Apocalypse Now on TV again, and in it Brando has the line that: you must make a friend of terror. And I suppose that if you are stuck in the place that you are now, that such horrors may be hard to find inspiration in, yet maybe there is something there… I don’t know.


I do know that our spirit is infinite and eternal. We do not die. Yet as human beings, we are finite and our life here does end. This is a paradox of this world. Here is one of my teacher’s mantras: { I have already died thousands of times, yet I am still alive! } which follows with this: { How dare Divinity manifest this way! } There is a rage within the reality of our human fear of death…yet more than fear of death is the fear of pain. Pain is so extreme…a human being must rage and hate the pain of their torturous suffering the ravages of extreme excruciating pain. Pain is a perception of our mind, yet it is also a feeling that exists within our authentic feeling body; a portion of our spiritual aura that appears as an oval shaped spirit body. Pain is our teacher…so is suffering. Suffering is necessary, yet the amount of suffering is determined by the choices we make, and that includes our mental perceptions. Do we see the glass as half empty or half full? And can we relax and receive the love of our feelings in our body to allow our human heart to receive the awareness of our true wisdom blessings? A spiritual download that occurs whenever we feel and receive our feelings. Perhaps Pain teaches us to grieve our weakness, which is a necessary step to temper our arrogance and ignorance, and our egoic self-image. Why should we fight to protect our honor when there is also a lot of honor in receding into your heart with a prayer for love and peace for all humankind.


One of my teachers, a Native American man named Sun Bear, chose to go to jail when he was drafted to war during the Vietnam era. He spent 13 months in jail for his claim of war being against his spiritual beliefs. He did a lot of great writing and service in that jail. We all have choices. And with each choice comes some limitations. The positive and negative aspects of life also includes our choice to choose “yes” or “no” to the aspects of life that we are dealing with. Setting a boundary often requires us to say “NO” to something. To love ourselves more. If we have a “Healer’s Disease” then we want to save the world, yet we can not save everyone, and sometimes when we choose to save someone else it is at the peril of us losing ourselves and our own life. We desire to save others purely for the hope that we can be saved. Perhaps we can only save ourselves. As in the old quote: God helps those who help themselves. I am not saying to not be of service. Yet you have to know where your own limitations are. What do you stand for? and if you are solid in what you stand for then there will be a place in your convictions where you will state that you do not have any back doors to break that conviction. When you solidly know your truth, you will stand for it and not be bullied by any plea from your outer-world to break your own pact with yourself and your own loving human heart truth.


Have you noticed that the word “weapon” can be decoded to read like this: ” weep on “. And that the word “crime” can be decoded to read like this: ” cry me “. In the grief of grief, the deepest despair exists…a deep devastation and desolation. Something that you and your medics must face every moment of every day if you are honest with yourselves. At this point the best you can do is to Choose Love First and Keep Your Heart Open and then choose to Be Kind with yourself and Love yourself despite the fact that you are hating the current situation that you have to deal with. Keep focusing on choosing love in your human heart and touch your wounded with love. In the process you will find that your truth may be to opt out of an involvement with the war…or you may go deeper into service of the wounded results of war….who knows. At any rate, focus on love in all of its aspects and many faces and touch your wounded with love, feel love in your heart and touch them with love, breathe through your mouth whenever you feel that you can allow yourself to do that, and allow your natural breathe to fill your belly and feel your gut feelings, and connect with your intuitive sense of feeling your lifeforce as it moves through you..


I would suggest screaming into a pillow from your gut though so you don’t hurt your throat…yell a passionate rage for vital force to move through you and assist you with the massive feelings that are discharged into your aura all the time when you work with the wounded. If you ever do get to submerge in water you can scream under water too. I am sending you thoughts of love and care despite the courage you need to survive in such a place of brutal cruelty. The word courage comes from the French word for the heart, “Le Couer” and then you will notice the English word Rage finishes the word COURAGE. Some part of you has chosen to love war. Perhaps you are an Angel earning your wings. In love, Deborah.


Sexual dysfunction from war?


I met a man who once told me that he joined the army to get out his anger at a girlfriend who betrayed him with his best friend. He took his desire for revenge into the battlefield in Afghanistan. Another man who fought in Afghanistan told me that several of his army buddies commented on the intensity of the terror they felt during gun fights caused them to feel such immense excitement that their penises became erect.

One main thing that I know to be true about the erection is that all feelings of pleasure that flow through the penis and the inner pelvic muscles include all feelings, including intense feelings of anger and hate. It must be acknowledged that the intense feelings of destructive actions during war experiences include feelings of pleasure. To end up having too much disgust or denial of the pleasure of the war experience can cause resistance to feeling joy in the penis and thus erection troubles are common after a soldier returns home after battle. Once the acceptance of the killer feelings and murderous rage is acknowledged, the man can then relax and have an orgasm again. Not being able to let go and ejaculate easily is a common symptom of men who come home from a war that is really devastating yet they never allowed themselves to feel the true intensity of the horror and terror of what they witnessed…even if they never shot anyone, still the cruelty of the war experience is super devastating, and as a soldier there is no outlet for the rage of this kind of shocking experience. That is why many men come home and deal with post traumatic disorder. In the movie Saving Private Ryan, Matt Damon who plays Private Ryan has a scene at the end of the movie where he surrenders and stops fighting and sits on the side walk and begins to rage uncontrollably for a long time and no bullets hit him even though he is in the path of a lot of gun fire. His opening of his central spirit channel through his expression of feeling more vital than fear (feeling his true angst and anger at the war situation and the choices involved in that experience) with his raging prevented the fear from magnetizing a bullet towards him.


 Any pain that is created by causing physical damage and trauma to the physical body is created for forever! A human being has a limited capacity to feel and receive the full spectrum of pain on an authentic feeling level and receive it as love. The spirit naturally discharges from the body and the many feelings of unloved anger, hate, pain, terror and devastation are now in a separation and remain in an undigested state within the collective unconscious. All pain that is created must eventually be felt and received as love within the human body, thus a great deal of injuries and pains and illnesses that affect people in their present life experience are partially due to unconscious pains from historical memories that exist within the subconscious part of our spirit (which is located in between our legs). That is why it is very important to be relaxed during pelvic stimulation to receive the flow of joyful feelings of pleasure without resisting those feelings of excitement. The tension that is created by resisting pleasure magnetizes undigested contracted feelings of pain to arise into present time from the unconscious and then people act out in reactive irritable ways since a part of their psyche is experiencing the pains and raging aggressions from past life experiences and memories.

Creating new pain for good reason does not help the body to heal. Some people are addicted to pain and act out sado-masochists practices to feel the sensation of the energy of pain in a spiritual separation and this habit becomes very addicting yet it does not produce real healing to occur by manifesting spiritual love and joy to come into the body and emanate love through the heart chakra and through the aura. Every feeling that is created must be felt and received as love in the human body while staying present and expressing the feelings that are felt in the moment.

Even though we need the military to protect the free world, still the military trains men and women to not feel, to be in their intellect, to push beyond their normal physical capacity and be in denial of their true feelings just to get a job done. This is true of some people who get into heavy weight training practices like power lifting. They are often not feeling and receiving the true level of pain they are creating to be felt and received in their body. It is important to not listen to music during your work outs at the gym. Be conscious of your body. The body is supposed to be flexible not rock hard. When the penis is rock hard it is a sign that many feelings of pleasure are being resisted with too much internal pelvic tension which creates too many of the undigested feelings to come up undigested from the subconscious spirit body.  When any of our feelings are being received in our body, spiritual love and wisdom fills up our aura and produces a healing within our body and our spirit emanates love.

copyright Deborah Carroll 2009.





About debcarroll

Born in 1956, managed to survive 18 years of using drugs and alcohol, joined recovery groups and began an interest in many forms of healing and health awareness. Was working in design and architecture, yet often worked in the performance arts as well. Began intensive studies in Iridology and Nutrition in 1990. Was involved with Sun Bear and The Bear Tribe Medicine Society intensively for 5 years. Studied Naturopathy and Iris Analysis along with Herbalogy and Detoxification methods for 8 years. Began studying Tantra in 94 and had a traumatic/healing near death experience in 95. Four years later I met my teacher Marcus Daniels and begin taking classes with him. My studies included body work that Marcus calls Touch of Structure. I went to two other massage therapy schools to study other style of massage and healing methods. I have an interest in teaching the truth about sexuality and spiritual healing based on what I have learned from my studies in wisdom classes with my teacher Marcus. By merging some basic Tantra practices with healing aspects of cellular memory healing practices I have created healthy ways to focus and have presence during intimacy and during alone times when some one is self pleasuring.
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